Thoughts on Healthy Child Discipline: Foundations

For the past six years, I've been involved with a variety of children & family occupations which often put me in very close contact with parents and the daily task of raising their little people. In early education, we are taught that the primary caregivers are the ultimate authority on their children and while we may be professionals, it is best to bow to their insight unless it is a matter of physical/emotional safety. I've often told parents that as soon as they are in the room, all oversight of their children is immediately transferred to them. The hardest struggle with this however, is that many parents have no idea how to elicit the proper behavior from their children. While convictions on religious instruction, unconditional love/compassion, fun/friendship, and education are seldom in short supply, the developmental train falls off the tracks when we reach the area of discipline. It often appears that parents are either afraid to discipline or simply don't know how. With that being said, there are a great many kids who have grown into responsible adults with less than stellar parenting, even the best instructors make mistakes. There are however a few pointers, I feel, some parents could take into consideration for an easier journey through raising their children.

First, we discipline our children to be self-reliant. We are helping train little humans into adults after all. When your child can do things for themselves, it gives a sense of pride and ownership. After they blow their nose, it's their job to throw away that tissue. As soon as they can reach the cabinet and sink, it is their job to get themselves a drink. This includes potty training and putting on their own shoes. Self-reliance is empowering. We want our children to have control and be independent from us.

Secondly, we discipline our children to be respectful. This is often the most ignored tenant of discipline due to its abstraction and the self-centered nature of childhood. Children need to be taught how to respect their peers, authority figures, themselves, and YOU. After you work hard to buy clothing, make healthy meals, or clean the house, unappreciative behavior is unacceptable. Being unkind to others is unacceptable. Not listening to instruction from teachers, counselors, you, or any other trusted authority is unacceptable. We want our children to be mindful of their relationships.

Lastly, we discipline our children to be self-controlled. Appropriate behavior is learned. Either by our action or in-action we reinforce what behavior is acceptable from our children. Melt-downs and temper tantrums are the hallmark of a child who is struggling with self-control. We want our children to know how to handle sadness, pain, setbacks, and frustration.

Upcoming post: Thoughts on Healthy Child Discipline: Putting Our Foot Down